she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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