that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
