Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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