made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
