from now on my penis is your penis
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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