that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
