He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
