and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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