Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
