Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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