I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
