ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
