Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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