every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
