i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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