I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
