u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
