he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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