I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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