If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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