toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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