Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
