Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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