You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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