Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
