Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
