Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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