Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
