Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
