i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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