he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
