Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
