Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
