WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
