if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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