I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
