The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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