i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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