My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
