just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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