my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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