I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
