I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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