i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
