At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
