her vagine was all disorganized.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
