I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
