she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
