hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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