Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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