You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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