He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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