no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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