She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
