So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
