just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
