the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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