Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
