Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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