Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
