Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
