im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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