I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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