mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
