last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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