I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
