that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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