So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
