I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
